Since getting pregnant, I’ve been experiencing emotions that are unfamiliar and overwhelming. It’s like I’ve been thrown into a whirlwind of sadness and anger, feelings I never used to identify with. I’ve always been emotional, but anger? That’s something new. And it’s not just subtle irritations—I’m talking full-on rage that feels so unlike me. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
Last night, I came home from work, already on edge, and my partner had his other children over. I lost it. I know, logically, that I shouldn’t be upset. His kids have every right to be here, and I’ve always been fine with it before. But suddenly, I found myself furious, desperate to be in a house with no children, craving peace and solitude. It’s almost as if I set myself up for failure by choosing a partner with three other kids. What was I thinking?
We ended up in a huge fight, one that nearly got physical. Thankfully, I had enough clarity to walk away before things escalated. I locked myself in the bathroom and took a long, hot shower—one of the few things that still brings me peace. I could sit in there for hours, listening to my favorite podcast, pretending I could somehow escape the life I’m living right now.
But I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly running away from my own emotions. I just want to be happy again. I’m tired of the anger that’s taken over. I miss the version of myself that was calm and content, the one who didn’t feel like a stranger in her own life.
Pregnancy has brought so much change—physically, mentally, and emotionally. I know hormones play a massive role in what I’m feeling, but it doesn’t make the experience any less exhausting. I never imagined I’d feel this lost during a time that’s supposed to be full of joy and excitement. I guess all I can do is take it day by day, trying to rediscover myself in the midst of the chaos.
For now, I’ll keep taking those long showers, finding little pockets of peace where I can, and holding onto the hope that this anger will fade and I’ll find my way back to happiness again.
The Fourth Trimester 