Tonight, something happened that I never thought it would—my boyfriend walked out on me. One moment, I was in the bathroom, and when I came out, he was just… gone. He’d said he wasn’t coming back, and somehow, those words, that decision, felt like a door slamming shut on everything we’d built together.
I didn’t plan for this to end this way. Maybe deep down, I didn’t really want to leave him either. We had our ups and downs like everyone, but I never thought it would come to this—so sudden, so final. But here I am, at midnight, lying alone in bed, feeling as if everything is spinning around me.
My emotions have been intense lately, maybe more than I even realized. I’ve been crying almost daily, feeling waves of sadness that hit out of nowhere. It’s like I can’t help it; this weight just sits on me, and it’s heavy. I feel so completely, crushingly alone.
The loneliness tonight is raw. Even my cats are keeping their distance, as if they can feel the dark energy radiating off me. I can’t blame them; it’s hard to be around myself right now, too. The sadness in me is something I never thought I’d experience, not like this.
And the worst part is feeling like there’s no one to reach out to, no one to call who could understand the depths of what I’m feeling. I never thought I’d feel this isolated, and in this moment, it’s overwhelming.
I don’t want to die. I don’t want to give up on life. But I don’t want this life, this feeling of emptiness that feels like it has no way out. Right now, I don’t know how to move forward or how to change what’s happening inside me. But I’m still here, and maybe that’s something, even if it doesn’t feel like much right now.
For anyone reading this who’s felt something like this, know that I see you. Even in the midst of this sadness, I’m reaching for something better, something different, and I hope you are, too.
The Fourth Trimester 